When I was a child I remember the world was a mystery, I often explored the unknown with bright eyes and a bushy tail. I remember learning about the occult, the fae, the magick, the energies in the universe that few talk about. One night I found my truth.  Buried beneath the bedrock, below the weeping willow tree, I found a tunnel.

At first I wasn’t sure I wanted to follow, the light seemed so bright, and after all id been in the dark for so much longer than I’d know the light.

The whispers returned then. Not the loud ones, but the ones that told me “Go. Run. Follow your light.” Even with this affirmation, I returned back to the darkness time and time again.

I’m not sure how long i waited outside that tunnel, but I remember the day it no longer appeared.

I remember waiting for the light, but I couldn’t see the tunnel any longer. I thought maybe if I wait, it’ll come back, surely?

I waited for years, not trapped, but unmoving. Always second guessing, the whispers in my head became confusing, they no longer only whispered about falling into the sky and flying.

Now they whispered of destruction, the knowing of a place so corrupt and devoid of life that not even wild flowers grew.

Still, I stayed. I thought it was my duty. To keep watch, becoming one with the darkness, to protect the ones who had fallen in. After all i, had lived here so long, I might as well make sure of the knowledge?

The time continued still, though the darkness moved on, the empty tunnel still waited. It mocked me. The emptiness was so hollow, but in it, I found I could hear the wind.

I started listening to the breeze, the delicate chittering of the wildlife. I’d never heard them before, let alone this loud. I grew confused, I was in the same place, yet so much had changed.

The world around me kept moving, but I was still here sitting.

As I looked around I realized, perhaps it wasn’t a tunnel. Perhaps I was wrong, there is freedom in being wrong. I wondered, if not a tunnel what of this space?

This place held my energy for so long, what truly could it be?

As I looked around, I realized the truth of my prison. Though no bars existed in my space, no light reached me either. When I stood once more, I cracked my head against the ceiling. One I never knew to be there before.

The one time I try to stand, and I hit my head. “Of course!” I thought, since I got hurt that must mean I need to sit back down. And so I rested once more.

More time passed, though the headache lingered, aches and pulsed; I sat seated.

“Surely the pain will pass?” I had thought that time heals all wounds, that was what I had heard from the shadows at least.

The ache did dull, though it never went away.

There was one that that stood out beyond the rest, though darkness surrounded me, I found I could see light. But it wasn’t the tunnel I had grown to search for.

I found myself in wonder, watching the fluttering. Though darkness surrounded us, I could still see wings.

“How is this possible?” I have spent my majority in the dark, how could there be light here?

Again a trust whisper from the depths, perhaps you could have wings?

The whisper fell on deaf ears, as I stared in wonder. Locked in on the potential for others, I never saw the potential in myself.

The winged one carried on, though it continued to visit from time to time. I enjoyed its presence, the break from the darkness.

Though it had been my home for so long, I hadn’t thought to leave it. After all, the best comforts are found at home, right?

One day the walls trembled around me. I spoke with a start, but knew I was safe. The darkness had always kept me safe from the trembles.

This time, things were different. As the Earth shook around me, I saw cracks appear. That couldn’t be right. This shadow has no flaw, it is ever concealed. How could a tremble cause such fissures? I wondered on this for a long while.

The next moment came in what some may call a dream, though I don’t know what it means to be asleep.

I saw…. Me? The shadows chased me. But… They didn’t cover me. Not truly. I watched as the shadows enveloped me. Panicked I tried to cry out, but no words could be spoken in this space. I would only whisper.

“No….”

The world around me froze.

“No?” It asked. Startled I jumped back from my frozen state.

“Who said that?!” Panicked, eyes traveling like bullets I looked for a source. But it only laughed.

“You cannot see me child. Not with those eyes.”

Still, I squinted, panicked in the dark. For I had been alone for all my life. How could there be someone here now?

“Why are you here?” I demanded, with strength I didn’t know I had. It filled me with warmth, a warmth I had long since forgotten. It reminded me of the rays I once felt staring at the golden light.

“I am here for you child. You have taken to long. You are mine to devour.” I listened, first with curiousity, then horror.

I cried out once more, and though I was alone; gold came back once more. I screamed once more.

“NO!” I startled as I watched the shadows whip away. They coiled back in what I can only imagine would be disgust.

“How could light find you here? I have waited so long. The darkness should have weaken you much by now.”

I didn’t understand his question. Weakened? The darkness had never hurt me. It comforts me. Holds me when I’m sick, eases my broken pieces. How could it ever weaken me?

“I am still here.” The night whispered. The being startled.

“You can’t be here! This is impossible! You have long since left this plane!”

“Yet I am here. And my protection has been required, so I shall stay.”

I sat back confused, though I could see only figured blanketed in shades of grey.

“Who are you both? Why have you come? Why can’t I see?” They both ignored me, only focused on one another.

“You will leave my child alone. It would be in your best interest.”

“My best interest? You have been here for decades then if you chose to remain here. I have been in the world! Devouring hope, dreams, money. There is no hope for you here.

I listened, and stirred.

“Hope? What’s that?” The dark being laughed.

“See!! It knows naught and will be a tasty morsel.”

“He may have no sight, but he will. He may have no hope. But he will. He may have no future. But he will. He may have no passion. But he will. He may have no love. But he will. That is the truth. Time has no place here. There is only truth. The truth being, he will lead. The world will follow. For now he has been asleep, resting from a broken world. He has fallen. He has been beaten and broken time and time again. Yet watch as he stands once more. He continues in his patience, ever still, waiting for something he may never see. But still he waits. He sits in the dark, while others play in the light. He sits in safety, in my comfort so he may heal.”

“Heal?”  What is that, I thought. I had never heard such a word. But when I said it, the glow came back. A soft gold emitted from my hands.

I heard a gasp, when I turned to look, no shapes remained. Only the dark. But now, a faint glow in the dark.

Much what I now know as time passed. I found myself changing, my limbs felt different. Longer, slender, stronger. I had done nothing to cause this, right?

“It must be my imagination.” I thought, but there was an ache inside me now. An ache I couldn’t be sure about.

“What are you?” I asked my ache, but it couldn’t respond in kind. I sat and pondered this a while. How could something change? Let alone my out being. I had done nothing, hadn’t I?

More darkness followed.

One day I was awoken with a start.

“Protect yourself. They have come again child.”

I shot awake, to see emptiness around me. No longer shadow, but void.

“Where are we?” I couldn’t help but wonder. I had sat in shadow so long, true void had no breaks.

There were no shapes surrounding us, just the nothingness.

But still I could feel it.

The evil that was here.

It’s hollowed existence.

A reaper had come.

But how had I know this name?

“You may not have him.”

“But it is his time, is it not?” The creature stalked forward from the void. A scythe in hand, and a dagger behind its back.

My confusion set in, why had he come? And how could I know his weapons, let alone what weapons are?

“Trust.” Is all I heard from within. And so I followed the whispers.

“It is not his time. He has no time. He is mine.”

The being stilled.

“Yours?”

“Yes. Mine.”

They stood in silence for quite some time.

“You understand this action has consequences don’t you mother?”

She nodded, “But they are mine to bare. The child has nothing to do with it.”

“So be it.”

The landscape returned, only this time the darkness stayed away.

I blinked my eyes for several moments, but I was alone again.

I looked around once more, this is not what I once knew. I am in the unknown once more.

I found an excitement inside me I hadn’t felt for some time grow. A wonder.

“I wonder what it means to heal?”

I sat with this idea for some time. What could it mean? And why, when I thought of such things, did my hands start to glow?

“Help! Someone please! I’ve been bitten, help!”

I was started by the sound. Words? Here? Someone had come. I rose to the noise.

“I am here!” I cried out into the space, soon a figure followed.

Cloaked in galaxies, how I knew I couldn’t say. I watched a wounded man limp to me.

“What happened!?” I asked this strange hurt man.

“The wolves, they found me. Thought I’d make a good meal. They were wrong.”

I sensed this man, he was dangerous, but I could feel deeper. He was wounded, and he was mine.  I would not let him go. My hands started to glow once more.

“Woah, fancy trick there. What are you doing?”

“Healing.” I responded on instinct. And soon, the glow spread. It enveloped the man, and his wounds knitted together softly. He gasped in pain, then in wonder.

“A healer…” He whispered beneath his breath.

That term lingered in my brain. A healer, what could this mean?

When the work was finished he looked up at me with stars in his eyes.

“Mine.”

“Yours.” I returned in suit. Though I couldn’t explain it, I knew these were the words we both needed.

Long passed after my time in the dark. The whispers remained steady, no longer whispers, but voices.

“You know one day he’s gonna hear us right?”

“I already do.” The talking stopped. The silence was nice for a change, but empty.

“He’s awaking. The time has come.”

I sat there with the silence that followed. It was the emptiness that scared me. The lack of pressure and presence I had growth used to. Though I couldn’t see I had always known I was never alone.

“I am ready.” I spoke it first as a whisper. Then cleared my voice and tried again.

“I am here. I have always been here. And I always will.” The words sounded out like a bell.

The beings gasped. I heard a familiar laugh in the darkness that followed.

“I have waited.”

“I was afraid. I still am.”

“I know child, yet here you are.”

“I still don’t know what I’m doing.”

“You will. You will know everything you need and more.”

“Will it hurt?”

“Only if you let it. Knowledge never causes pain. Only improper use of it does. Remember this well child.”

“I will, and I have. I trust.”

I saw her then. The smile coming from the dark. My heart beat a little faster. For I had never seen such beauty.

“Stay. Love your life. Love yourself. And love with your wholeheart. That is all I ask of you. No more. No less.”

I sat down and weaped. For I had never felt such love, such kindness.

“Are you sure? No big grand quest?” She laughed once more, my heart swelled with its sound, another tear following the rest.

“You already have done your quest. You survived. You came out alive. You won.”

“What now? How do I live my life?”

“However you want. You are freedom itself. There are no limitations on you.”

“That simply cannot be true, what about the checks and balances? The shift in power will be too large!”

“You are what the world needs. You are the balance of this world.”

I stumbled back shook.

“Me? That’s far big of a job for one person!”

“You aren’t alone child. Many will support you along the way. And you will support many. You are a chainbreaker. A maker. A mother. A father. A magician. Claim it. Claim yourself.”

I waiting, pondering my decision. I looked back at the darkness I had known. Though comforting, it wasn’t going anywhere. I could always come back to it, I thought.

“Once you choice. The other doors will be shut. Your darkness will be sealed. Though it’s power will be available, you no longer are required to baste in it. You have earned your own shadow.”

The decision had already been make in my mind long ago, but I found trouble getting the words out. Like the wind had been taken from my lungs.

“Steal your heart. You have given away too much. It’s time for you to reclaim your throne.”

The words and air returned to my lungs. I could feel the energy inside me once more. Yet still, the words would not fall free.

“Your mind is a weapon, create as you see fit. With these words you are set free. You have been given my gift. The gift of freedom. You will be whoever you desire. You decide what you deserve.”

“I deserve better…” The words hung in the silence.

“And?”

“I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be fed. I deserve to feel love. I deserve to be cherished.”

“Keep going.” She whispered this time, careful to not break my concentration.

“I deserve to see the worlds. I deserve to fly. I deserve to use magic. I deserve to love myself. I deserve… Me.” She smiled then.

When I finally looked up at her, she reached her hand down.

“Welcome Home.”

I reached up following her lead.

“You have a long life ahead of you. Are you ready?”

“Yes. Will you be here?”

“Forever and Always.”

“Then I’m ready. I’m ready for my destiny. I’m ready to stand free. I’m ready to chase the dream. I’m ready to love. I’m ready for my abundance.”

“It’s going to be hard work.”

“Nothing is hard for me. No longer. I will accept nothing less than easy.” She smiled wider then.

“You learn so quick.”

“I must have had a great teacher.” She laughed again.

“Unfortunate for you, I was not your teacher. But I am now. For the rest of your days.”

“And I forever the student, even as a master. My coatails must be getting ever so long!” We laughed together this time. And I felt her warm embrace.

“You’ll never be alone. If you ever do. Simply look in a mirror. There is only one of you. But you always have yourself. And inside of you are multiverses. You have the strength of yourself. And that, has always been more than enough.”

I weeped more, crying into the long hours of the night. Though her smile no longer listened in the night, I knew if I looked up, I would see my Mama. Mama moon would always be with me.

And with her there, I never feel so alone.